


when all else fails

by wbtrashking (fan_nerd)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a/b/o dynamics, sub-gender transitions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-27 02:18:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9945857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fan_nerd/pseuds/wbtrashking
Summary: The populace has been asking about Victor's decision to transition for years. Why would he choose to give up being an alpha, when society has trained them that alphas arethe cream of the crop? He's losing his touch. People are sure he's given up the spotlight.That's why, when he happens upon the news of another figure skater going into retirement, deciding to make a similarly huge change in their lives, he knows he wants to reach out to them and get to know them better.They have a lot to learn from each other.





	1. developmental stages

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ingthing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ingthing/gifts).



> one of the biggest inspirations to me for gender fluidity + a/b/o dynamics is [_Take Care_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9475712) by [phoenixwings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixwings/). if you haven't checked that out, it's a great read!
> 
> this fic is dedicated to ing, who is absolutely one of the strongest and kindest people i know!!! if you haven't checked her stuff out, please do! AO3: [ingthing (blushunder)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ingthing) | tumblr: [@ingthing](http://ingthing.tumblr.com/)
> 
> also special shout outs to our pals who are always there when ya need 'em. love ya, [denny](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfishfics) & [cece!!](http://archiveofourown.org/users/hellocecily)
> 
> it should be noted that this fic deals with a bunch of heavy stuff, so read with care, folks. enjoy! ♥

Victor's been thinking about what he wants to do with his life post-retirement for some time. He powers through life and skating with a feeling that is most closely labelled as dissonance. There is his public persona, happy and strong and fearless, but behind closed doors, he struggles with his appearance, and even more so with his sub-gender presentation.

The silver-haired skater knows he's a man. He doesn't want to change  _that_ , exactly.

But he's not an alpha.

Never has been. Never will be.

When he's twenty-seven, right after he's won his fifth Grand Prix gold, Victor tells Yakov about announcing his plan at the press conference. The older man reads Victor the riot act, trying to dissuade his star pupil first of all from doing something irreversible to his body, and second of all going  _public_ about it. Although society has progressed quite a bit, there is still this horrible stigma that alphas are the  _superior_ sub-genders, regardless of primary gender functions, and that means they're held to certain standards. Society tells them that there are certain ways they were  _supposed_ to walk, that they are supposed to talk with authority; that they're supposed to be brash and ruthless and act like they are better than betas and omegas.

Victor gives the media his usual tired smile when he takes his seat in front of the sign boards. He's never wanted to be any of those things - just himself. Unfortunately, his chosen profession has made Victor something of a pretender and a fraud. He's forced himself to be something different every competitive season, and he's tired of it.

Yakov can't talk him out of it. He's been fighting to understand Victor's need for scent-maskers and underwear that would help make his appearance more neutral. He's truly been a good coach to Victor - Victor knows and respects that, but he  _needs_ this.

He folds his hands. Waits for the cameras to flash. His companions from the top of the podium give their thoughts on their performances, and once the cameras point to the reigning champion, Victor gives them a grin. It's earnest, for once.

"Hello everyone," Victor Nikiforov starts, his voice all business. On the sidelines, Yakov is keeping his other students quiet, hiding his expression with the brim of his hat. "I've come here to announce that I'll be leaving the competitive figure skating scene at the close of the season." Flashes go off and he finishes with a flourish, "I've spoken to a handful of medical professionals, and I'm going to make a change in my life. I'm finally going to reveal my _true_ presentation. Everyone, I'd like to let you know that you're all the first to hear this news. I am an omega."

After he says this, the reporters go  _nuts_. They're asking hundreds of ignorant and belligerent questions about genders. Victor puts a polite smile back on until someone from the skating federation turns the conversation topics back to  _skating_ , and then the top three finalists have stilted discussions about programs and the like.

When the media hounds have slipped away, Chris pulls his best friend aside and gives Victor a look. The shorter man just sighs. "So, when were you going to tell  _me_ about this decision, chéri?"

"It just sort of. Came up," Victor mutters quietly, shoulders slumping. His best friend is a beta, and they've seen each other through a lot of tough times over the years. He's seen Chris bloom from an awkward boy into a lithe young man, and normally, Chris would be the first person he'd tell about this sort of thing. "I've been making the calls for weeks, talking about going on hormones and eventually having surgery. Talking about how long it would take. I made an impulsive decision to share that fact with the media a couple of days ago."

"For what? Please don't tell me you did it for your  _shock factor_ ," Chris softly says, and Victor glares at him with a wounded look.

" _No_." Victor snaps. "It was something that I needed to say. I'm getting a little old to compete anyways, so. What better time to announce my retirement, right?"

Chris sighs for a moment, then holds his arms open, loosening his body language. "C'mere." Victor hesitates for a moment, then goes for the hug, his back still tense. "Hey. You did it. It's over. Relax."

Victor just slumps against his blonde friend for a moment before he completes the gesture. "God, that was hard. I knew it would be. I knew, but still. I wanted to be petty and yell at every single question. What business do they have trying to talk shit to me about who I am, Chris?"

"I'm aware, Victor," Chris says, holding his friend more tightly. "They didn't have the right. You should've talked to me."

Victor feels like raging, throwing up, and crying all at the same time. "I know. I  _know_. But it's done now, and they're going to have to accept this."

"You've said that the way people had painted you as an alpha bothered you, so this is obviously the right choice for you." Chris assures the shorter man. "You're going to be true to yourself - something I've always wondered whether you  _ever_ did. You're so good at putting on an act, after all. I'll miss seeing you on the competitive circuit."

There is a shudder that runs through Victor's back and Chris suddenly realizes the true gravity of the situation. As close as he and Victor are, the older man has never let his barriers down like this.

They stand there and hug until Victor finally gathers the energy to slump off and rejoin Yakov, who has given up for yelling for the day, just holding Victor's hand like he had when Victor was just a proud young thing making waves in the figure skating scene.

Chris watches the silver-haired man go with watery eyes.

Victor's never been a crier, so Chris will cry in Victor's stead today.

//

The news doesn't let Victor fade from the scene so easily. After his official retirement at the end of the season, of course to the glory of a wide array of gold medals, they call, text, and email him at every given chance. On a marked occasion, about a month after he's started on hormone treatments, a woman in the supermarket stops him and  _demands_ to know why he's setting a bad example for alpha children everywhere. This kicks up a fuss as he blatantly ignores her, and cameras flash in his face for the rest of the week.

Most of the year after his retirement is like this, and Victor is just  _frustrated_. Chris is supportive, and even Yakov has come around, although Victor has become somewhat estranged to Yuri after becoming slimmer on omega hormones and preparing for an eventual surgery. It's hard, being the only person in his circle with these kinds of issues.

Victor had always had a penchant for social media. Now, he takes photos to prove to himself and the world that he's still as much a bombshell as he ever was, even if he's gotten a bit more plush in some areas and less chiseled in all the typical  _masculine alpha_ ways. It feels nice, being true to himself at last. He still skates, of course, but it's more casual, and he teaches some lessons on the weekends to fill his time. He technically doesn't  _have_ to have a job - even though his medical bills are atrocious, he still has more money than he knows what to do with.

He just doesn't have anyone to spend it on, other than himself and a couple of his favorite charities, and sometimes that notion scares him.

Victor turns to the internet to make friends. He joins online communities for trans people of all varieties, enjoying reading the discussions, doing his research on topics and terms. Many months pass where he grows more confident in his body, in his identity, and about a year and a half after retirement, he comes across an exciting post on the thread.

_I'm a recently retired figure skater, and I don't know much about gender or sub-gender topics, but I want to learn. I've always thought I was stuck being an omega for life, and that scared me. Now that I know I could always choose to transition, I don't even know where to start._

_Sorry if I'm being a bother._

_-YK._

Victor's blue eyes go wide with shock. Who could this  _be_? Victor had known all the big names in skating, and he'd never known somebody so much like himself on the circuit when he'd been competing.

He rushes to talk to this person.

_Hi, I'm a retired skater as well. I'm surprised to find someone I relate so much to! I'm a transitioned omega myself, so my situation is a bit different, but I've put some resources below. Happy readings, and stay safe. A pleasure to have you in the community!_

_-V_

After sending that message, Victor giddily closes his laptop and fiddles around on his other apps until he heads out for the day to run some errands.

//

When Victor stops by Yakov's rink, yawning, the old balding man scoffs at his former student. "Vitya," Yakov greets him sternly, and the other man leans on the signboards casually. "Why are you here?"

"This  _is_ my home rink, you know," Victor sing-songs the words and Yakov snorts. "I just wanted to practice for a bit, get my mind off of things." The medications that Victor has for transitioning are making him flustered and flushed more often, a sure sign and semblance of his ruts presenting in a way more like heats. Being feverish every few weeks while his body tries to figure out what's going on is exhausting. "If that's alright?"

"You wouldn't listen to me if I told you no." Yakov sighs and gives Victor a long, observant look. He can tell how tired the young man is at a glance. Besides, it would fire Yuri up, which is always a plus.

"See you've decided to come and get owned today, Victor!" Yuri greets his old rink mate with a smirk and Victor just rolls his eyes, digging in his bag for his skates and gloves. "You starting to feel ashamed of your status as a broken retiree?"

"I'm not  _broken_ ," Victor insists swiftly, skidding onto the ice with a confident expression. "Since you seem to think you're so much better than me, let's see you go through my most famous jumps. Don't think I didn't catch you falsely bragging that you could do them, Yura."

Yuri grows hot in the cheeks as Victor laughs and skates off. He sweats at the rink for a few hours, getting lost in his thoughts, tuning out Mila's jabs, Georgi's cries, and Yuri's angry rants before heading home with a wave. They all tell him goodbye fondly, even Yuri, and he slings his bag over his shoulder.

While he walks back to his overly large apartment, he flicks through his news feeds and is pleasantly surprised to find a new message from the other skater on the gender transition site.  _YK_ , username  _poodlescape_.

_Hello V,_

_Great to speak to someone going through a process I find relatable. Are you fully transitioned already? How long did it take? How do you feel?_

_Sorry for all the questions. I know a lot of people have been really supportive, but it's cool to find another skater here. You're welcome to DM me instead, if you prefer._

_Thanks,_

_-YK_

Victor is so excited to talk to the other skater that he almost clicks  _reply_ while he's walking, but he wants to give a proper response to them, so he picks up the pace on his walk home and leans down to pet Makkachin as soon as he's indoors.

After feeding and walking his dog, he hurries to put the password in on his laptop and logs in to the site quickly.

He types out a series of long messages to YK before sitting back and waiting for a response. Unexpectedly, YK gets back to him almost immediately.

The two of them chat for a while about the different struggles of perceptions and body image and so forth. They trade messages back and forth before Victor realizes he hasn't even introduced himself.

It's hard for him to be a private person. It just isn't his style. He should be more cautious, he knows, but he types,  _I'm Victor Nikiforov, if you've ever heard of me. And you are?_

 _Yuuri Katsuki._ Victor finally has a name to put to the sweetheart he's been talking to most of the evening, and he knows he's going to look up that name and find out all that he can about the other skater. It's a twinge familiar to him, but he doesn't remember competing with Yuuri.  _And in the skating community, who doesn't know you? I'm actually a pretty big fan of yours._

Victor blinks at that and laughs.  _Well then, I'm flattered._

For the rest of the night, they stick to topics about gender and he goes to sleep with a happy buzz in his chest.

//

Over the next few weeks, Victor gets to know the other skater both through articles and through his admittances online. Yuuri is getting ready to make the first big change - hormone therapy. Meanwhile, Victor has a consultation for surgery.

They talk about exactly what had shaped them to take such measures in their lives.

Victor admits that he'd always felt a little bit trapped in limbo.

He'd always been lovely enough to be complimented for his looks and long hair in his youth, and he'd found himself comfortable in adopting a more neutral primary gender façade. He had considered his appearance androgynous, non-binary.

Then, in his teen years, when everyone had begun presenting secondary genders, he'd found himself at a loss. He had been surrounded by the loud cries of alphas trying to control their ruts and eager to mate with betas and omegas, and had found no kindred spirits among them.

He'd forged friendships with betas and omegas themselves, feeling no draw to their scents at all.

In fact, he'd found himself more sexually drawn to  _alphas_  as he'd gotten older. Everything he'd heard about typical alphas said that this was impossible, unlikely, and frankly, not biologically possible, and yet, there he was. A biological impossibility in the flesh.

That was when he'd started examining other gender possibilities.

As for Yuuri, he says that it been much the same, but he'd been rife with physiological issues. He'd never had a heat, even though all the doctors had insisted that he  _needed_ to have one to get rid of the extra fluids in his system. One day, he would find the right person, would mate with them, and his body would properly kick into gear - or so they'd said.

No medical professional would prescribe him scent blockers or heat suppressants because his body had already been so messed up. After years of feeling terrible, of knowing that he would never have a place to fit in, Yuuri had struggled through his career, left it in anguish, and had begun to finally discover what he needed to do in order to feel like  _himself_.

The echo of his own pain burns Victor terribly.

 _Perhaps we could call each other through Skype or something in the future._ Victor texts Yuuri with a soft smile, his heart going out to the other man.  _I've been reading a lot about you and looking up your old performances, but you always mumble when you're in front of the camera._

 _I do not,_ Yuuri stubbornly texts back and Victor laughs at the words.  _Hang on. I'm sending you my social media information. Wanna chat in like an hour? I'm going to eat first._

 _Sure,_ Victor replies quickly, feeling excited.

He takes care of Makkachin quickly, having his dog lie on the bed while he gets comfortable at the desk. They're only going to voice call today, so there's no need to make sure his hair looks perfect or that his lips are moisturized, although they almost always are.

They go through pleasantries and the like until Victor drops a blunt joke and Yuuri giggle-snorts so hard that he starts to wheeze. It makes Victor laugh heartily in return.

When they wrap up, talking about dogs instead of their usual topics (gender, ice skating, frustrations with old friends), Yuuri softly says, "This was nice. I never got a chance to meet you in person when I was skating, but it's good to know you're just a normal person in the end. Isn't your surgery soon?"

"Yeah," Victor replies, tapping at his desk absently. "I wish we had met back then, too. It's in two weeks, I think. I'll check my calendar and let you know."

"Alright," Yuuri hums quietly. "I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah." Victor glances at his clock. It's very late in St. Petersburg, but he doesn't care. "Have a good day, Yuuri. Same time tomorrow?"

"Sounds good," Yuuri says. "Good night. Tell Makkachin I said good night as well."

Victor beckons his dog over and grins. When the poodle barks, both men laugh. Victor says goodbye before hanging up, going to bed with the sneaking suspicion that he's starting to crush on the other man.

He feels a twinge of dysphoria about what's in his pants versus what he knows he is in his heart. That's why he's having surgery, of course. Perhaps he's getting carried away, getting delusional, but he thinks about Yuuri helping him out as an alpha, his voice soft and sweet, and it makes Victor curl into himself, equal parts thrilled and concerned.

Is he good enough to be loved?

He objectively knows that the answer is  _yes_ , but his mind is a mess.

Victor closes his eyes and tries to pull himself back into the happy bubble he'd been in while talking to Yuuri a few minutes ago.

//

Between skating or jogging away most of his hours, Victor trades messages with Yuuri, who is on a totally different time zone, but his sleep schedule is a wreck, so Victor never knows when Yuuri will actually be awake unless they've planned a Skype session.

Victor's surgery date grows closer and Yuuri speaks with increasing confidence, coming into himself, no longer feeling the pressures of heats. Instead, he talks about the struggles of getting a knot transplant, and how well it might take to his body. Both of them are skittish about the operation, and Victor calls Yuuri the night before he's due for his surgical appointment, requesting that they video chat for once.

Both of them lean over their laptops, and Victor is barely aware that he's on the verge of hysteria until Yuuri's voice fills his ears in a calming way.

Once Victor gets less shaky, he says, "I wish you were here, Yuuri. Perhaps it's a bit soon to say this, but I really like you. I feel like you'd be a great person to hug while I'm down."

"Yeah," Yuuri nervously whispers back, the audio picked up by the computer microphone. "I've felt the same, but I never thought it would be cool for me to tell you that."

Victor hiccups and laughs in the same turn, feeling like a total disaster. Yakov is going to drive him to the specialty hospital since it's his day off, and Victor is grateful for his old coach's presence on such a big day. "Tell you what. If I make it through this, will you come and visit me in Saint Petersburg?"

"You'd really want me to?"

"Of course," Victor says, stifling another hiccup. "I'll send you my address once we hang up."

Yuuri smiles fondly, tears welling up with tears behind his glasses. "Sure. I'll definitely come and see you, alright? You're going to be just fine. You're doing the best thing you can for yourself, and I'm so proud of you, Victor."

Victor covers his mouth again and finally says, "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'm proud of me, too."

"Keep it that way."

They say their partings after a time and Victor sends his address, happy to see Yuuri's pleased emojis and further promises to come and visit. It gives him further courage to follow through on his determination to look and feel more like himself.

//

Yakov doesn't feel the need to yell at Victor every time he sees him, nowadays, and especially now, that he's driving the silver-haired omega to have the biggest medical procedure of his young life. He knows how very closed-off Victor can be, acting cold to protect himself, so he puts his hand out while he's driving.

Victor warily eyes his old coach before Yakov grunts and says, "This isn't for your sake. It's for mine." Blue eyes go wide, glistening for a moment.

He reaches out and clasps Yakov's hand tightly, breath coming in short bursts.

By the time they get to the hospital, have Victor undress and stare at what has haunted his existence for years, speaking softly and promptly about the work they're going to do and how, he's completely zoned out. The anaesthesiologists let him wave to Yakov before they shuffle him off to a private room. They take his vitals, give him shots, and his eyes start drooping quickly.

Everything is foggy until he falls into a medically-induced slumber.

Days later, when the reality of the situation truly dawns on him, he feels one hundred pounds lighter.

//

His body is still wildly out of whack between the cocktail of painkillers that he's on, Yakov trying to keep him on a soft diet, and the omega hormones coursing through his system. The doctors had recommended that he'd stay on them post-surgery, because it would have been more trouble if his body had rejected the transition by going off of them.

It isn't until a week or so out of surgery that Victor has the lucidity to stay up for a few minutes to shoot Yuuri a message.  _I made it. Talk later,_ is all that he says before he falls back asleep, somewhat sweaty and nauseous.

By the time Victor gets the chance to check again, Yuuri has responded.

_Glad you made it. Knew you would. I've been thinking about you all week. I know you're not feeling better yet, and probably won't for a few more days, but I was wondering if I could come and visit soon._

_Take care,_

_Yuuri_

Victor runs his fingers over the screen of the phone, choking back a sob. He's never been much for crying, regardless of whether he's angry, sad, relieved, or happy, but Yuuri's kind words - the notion of meeting the other man while he's feeling ill feels like a gift he doesn't fully deserve to receive. Victor infrequently feels so strongly about things that he becomes selfish - self-confident, impulsive, and self-motivated, perhaps, but rarely selfish.

Victor wants to be selfish about Yuuri, in a way. He wants to see Yuuri in person, wants to be closer to him, wants to hold his hand and let loose tears he's been holding back for years. It's not for lack of trying - he just hadn't reached a point of comfort where he  _could_ cry.

He types back,  _Please. The sooner the better. I miss you._

Much to his pleasant surprise, Yuuri's status changes to online.  _I'll book my trip tonight and send you the details._

 _I am absolutely thrilled,_ Victor types back with a wobbly smile.  _I can't wait to see you._

_Me neither._

A moment later, Victor dozes off and misses a handful of questions about his day, but Yuuri signs off by telling Victor to rest up.

//

Victor heads back to his place with somewhat tired legs, still feeling quite numb from surgery. His head is clear after twelve days of bed rest, however, so he waves Yakov and Lilia off and forces himself wearily up the steps of his apartment. Makkachin won't be home until a bit later - Yuri's grandfather, Nikolai, is looking after the old girl while Victor is still on the path to full recovery.

Yuuri will be in Russia in four days, and Victor hopes he will feel like a more accommodating host by then. As it stands, Yakov forces Victor to go to bed as soon as he comes by with dinner, and Victor pouts for the rest of the night, flicking through his social media accounts and chatting with Yuuri via Skype. His first night home is eerily quiet without the comfort of his dog, so Victor is delighted to have someone to talk to.

The following day, the surly blonde teenager and his grandparent come by with Makkachin and Victor sighs so heavily with relief that the short young man almost kicks him in the shins. Nikolai holds Yuri back from doing that for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which being that Victor still doesn't feel well enough to horse around with the boy.

Victor slowly works himself back up to casual walks around his apartment complex with Makkachin faithfully padding next to him. Every day, he grows more eager to meet his online friend, one of the top skaters Japan had had to offer, and Victor had somehow never heard much about him, other than passing rumors.

One more day passes and Victor feels good enough to go on a fair jog. The day after that, Victor treats himself to a nice meal and works his body through somewhat uncomfortable stretches in physical therapy.

He's not cleared to drive by himself, so Victor books a taxi to pick up Yuuri from the airport in the morning, still a bit sore and numb in the legs. He chats on and off with Yuuri until the younger man has to go get ready. Victor paces the apartment and curls up with his dog until it's time to wake up again.

He should be bleary, but he's so very excited to have his online friend and crush within arms' length for once.

Victor waits at the airport for ages because he gets there super early. Yuuri appears with a familiar expression - anxious and tired, but still sweet underneath his cautious exterior - and Victor hurries to his side. He grabs Yuuri's arm, making the other man reflexively back away before he discovers who it is that's standing in front of him.

"Hey," Yuuri blows out a puff of air, lips curling up at an odd angle while his chest heaves. "It's nice to properly meet you, Victor."

"Don't be so stiff," Victor says, suddenly struck with the desire to lean his head on Yuuri's shoulder. "It's good to see in person, Yuuri."

Yuuri has mentioned being nervous about being close to other people, but he still lifts his arms to give Victor a proper hug, and Victor, knowing just how monumental this is to the other man, lets out a happy sigh. "I'm glad you're just as nice in person as you are on the web."

"Duh," Victor says, rolling his eyes, and Yuuri chuckles. "C'mon, Yuuri. I've got a cab waiting outside for us." He glances down at the lone suitcase Yuuri has brought, a medium sized one, and warily eyes it. "That's all you have?"

"I was only planning on staying a couple of weeks," the younger man answers, dragging his luggage and following closely behind the silver-haired man.

" _Planning on_?" Victor turns out and blinks curiously at Yuuri, who has slightly tinged cheeks and a pout on his lips.

"I haven't bought my return ticket yet," Yuuri admits and Victor grins. "I figured I'd just sort of play things by ear." After a moment, he toys with his phone to look up something and by the time the driver lets them into the cab, he's able to show the screen to Victor. "You know where this hotel is?"

"Yep," Victor says. "But I figured you would stay with me."

Yuuri's dark eyes flick up to Victor's blue ones, both of them just studying each other in silence. Finally, Yuuri very nervously mumbles, "Would that really be okay with you?"

Victor leans over and grins like a child. " _More_ than okay. I've been looking forward to having you over, you know?" They're both retired, and even though they skate for special events and get paid for the work, as well as participating in community activities, neither of them have had the heart to take on other full time jobs.

It makes this extended vacation perfect for Yuuri and Victor, who is still working on getting his strength back up.

//

Yuuri is immediately greeted by Makkachin's legs on his torso, almost knocking him to the ground. Victor tells the dog to sit and she obeys quickly, letting the men get settled.

That first day, Victor and Yuuri just catch up and joke about funny things they've seen on internet. About halfway through the day, Yuuri realizes that they don't have anything to eat.

After going through all the pleasantries, Yuuri works up the courage to ask the question he's been hesitant to pose for hours. He sucks in a breath and hurriedly says, "So, how are you feeling after the surgery?"

Truthfully, Victor is still in pain. The omega hormones he's on have changed his perspective of certain scents and his nausea has abated slightly. The drugs have made it hard to tell whether Yuuri smells good or bad - this is also probably in part because Yuuri himself is taking alpha hormones too.

"It went well," Victor answers quietly. He pets Makkachin with a soft smile and holds Yuuri's gaze. "I finally feel more attuned to the body I have, you know? It's not perfect, but I'm me. I feel fantastic."

"Good," Yuuri replies quickly, lips quirking upwards. "That's really good."

For the rest of the night, they stay on lighter topics.

//

After a few days of hanging out with Victor and truly feeling the most at peace that he has in years, Yuuri falls into a fitful rest in the guest room of Victor's apartment and sweats out of his skin.

The nightmare is more like a memory, which makes everything hurt so much more. There are people buzzing around him, crowding him, kicking him in the ribs, and he masks the true pain of his injuries, wincing aloud at the pain and keeping his tears locked away until he's in private. Crying in front of his oppressors would just make the punishment more torturous.

The voices are all familiar, and their words are cutting.

Fat. Ugly. Shameless.  _Scentless_.

That's just a short list of adjectives Yuuri has been called in his life for being what most of these people call  _a bad omega_.

He hates it. Hates every second. He  _isn't_ an omega, and everyone around him needs to recognize that.

When he wakes up, furiously wiping away his tears, he is shocked to find Victor knocking on the door while he's such a mess and he hurries to clear his throat so he doesn't sound quite so strained. Victor opens the door before Yuuri is properly composed, so Yuuri is stuck staring back at the older man like the human disaster he is.

Victor, much to Yuuri's surprise, doesn't say anything - he just comes over to Yuuri's side and sits on the edge of the bed. Yuuri sobs and tries to compose himself, but there's no use in hiding. Since so many emotions are bubbling out of him, Yuuri grabs Victor's hand and chokes a bit when Victor just squeezes it gently.

As tension ebbs out of Yuuri, he opens his mouth to rasp out an apology, but Victor puts a hand to Yuuri's lips.

"It's okay," the silver-haired man assures Yuuri, who is wide-eyed and breathless. "Just relax. None of that was real." Once Victor's hand falls, Yuuri astounds himself by leaning into Victor more heavily, sucking in a deep breath.

The two of them sit there for some time before Yuuri laughs weakly and says that they need to get something to eat. Victor heads out of the room first, letting Yuuri wipe his face and get over how terribly embarrassed he is to have shown such an ugly side to Victor. Still, he can't deny that he's happy about Victor's support.

He'd had something of a celebrity crush on the man back in the day. Getting to know Victor personally, finding out about his struggles and how similar the two of them had been on the subject of sub-genders, had led to a form of infatuation Yuuri had never experienced before.

They've only been in close proximity for a few days, and now? Yuuri's cried on his damn shoulder.

"I'm being so stupid," Yuuri whispers to himself, sniffling.

He stands up on wobbly legs and tries to clear his mind of the one thought he refuses to acknowledge right now.

Victor had smelled very nice. Yuuri's take on scents is changing as the hormones affect his body, and the slightly oceanic and floral fragrance of the older man's skin had just made Yuuri want to close his eyes and press his lips to Victor's skin.

Yuuri had already felt like a weirdo for waking up in tears and being comforted, so he stifles this thought with every fiber of his being, walks out to the kitchen, and puts on a weary smile.

He decides that he should leave St. Petersburg soon.

He doesn't want to do or say anything else he might regret.

//

Most of their days, Victor takes Yuuri around the town, proud that he's not groggy any more. His mind is sharp, so while they stop and take pictures, chatting over food and the sights, Victor has plenty of time to study the man he's only seen through grainy feeds online.

Yuuri is generally pretty reserved, but he has plenty of passion hidden underneath the surface. His brown eyes are focused behind his glasses, and when something truly works the brunette up, heat rises on his face, his words get sharper, and tension creeps over his body. He tries to remain composed. Since he's pretty private, Victor's not always sure  _when_ Yuuri needs to work off steam, but he does know that Yuuri's just as fun to talk to in person as he had been to text and call.

They trawl the city and leave Makkachin at home, finally making it to the rink on Yuuri's eighth day in town. Yakov and the rest are a bit much to deal with for both of them; Yuuri, because he's not used to skating with  _so_ many loud personalities, and Victor, because he's still conditioning to get back on the ice and it hurts that he can't be out there with his old rink mates.

It's still a fun trip overall, and for some reason, Victor gets the sense that Yuri Plisetsky is staring at them. The teenager had been slowly starting to warm up to Victor again, but Victor absently wonders if bringing Yuuri here will remove this development. It's no matter to Victor. He introduces his friend to the team and lets them clamor over his fellow retiree for an hour before Yuuri throws him a panicked glance and Victor takes his hand.

He happily swoops away, tuning out Yakov's yells as they go.

Once the rink is some distance behind them, Yuuri chuckles and says, "They seem nice." He pauses before asking, "Do they know about your surgery?"

"Yes, of course," Victor answers in a matter-of-fact tone, shoving his hands into his pockets with a smile. "I did announce my decision to have it on television, you know?"

"Right," Yuuri replies with a flush. "Oops."

Victor giggles. "It's okay. I know that's not what you meant, anyways." He lets his eyes wander off to the side while they walk, enjoying hearing the slaps of his rubber soles on the pavement. "Yes. I told them. I mean, not very far in advance. In fact, I told them most of the details  _after_ my press conference." He stops and Yuuri pauses beside him, amazed at how clear his blue eyes are while he speaks. "They'd always known I was  _different_ , yes? But not like this." Victor puts a hand to his chest, inhales deeply, and turns to face Yuuri. "I am the same as I ever was, and yet, to them, I will never be the same. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Yuuri says, feeling ill with how very much he relates. "I know what you mean." They take a few more steps before Yuuri grabs Victor's hand and the taller man almost stumbles at the force of it. "How did you know?"

"Sorry?" Victor blinks, unable to catch all of Yuuri's jumbled words.

"How did you know that you were  _really_ an omega?" Yuuri's eyes are full of wonder and his lips look ready to wobble into a sob. "I mean, of course I know you are. You smell great, you look great, you took the plunge and...and you're one of the strongest omegas I've ever known. How did you do it?"

Victor smiles sympathetically, but it probably comes off a little icy because he, much to his frustration, has had to have this conversation with many people, both online and in person. "In the end, everything comes down to your own interpretation. You are what you are, not what anyone else says you are. Biology can be cruel, Yuuri, but I knew that refusing to have that surgery would haunt me for the rest of my life." He pauses and jolts as Yuuri starts to tear up. "Surgery isn't for everyone. I didn't  _have_ to have it to be considered an omega, but I did, and I'm happier for it."

"So," Yuuri chokes out words with a raspy throat, "If I said I was an alpha, even though I didn't want to get a graft, what would that mean? What would it mean, for me,  _whatever_ I am, to like you?"

Both of them can tell that the younger man hadn't meant to say that. It shows all over Yuuri's face, eyes wide open and mouth moving listlessly.

"Sorry," Yuuri says, pushing Victor away and lifting his arm to cover his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

He dashes off and leaves Victor on the quiet street with a pounding heartbeat and racing mind.

It takes a moment for him to register that Yuuri had confessed to him, and the notion anchors Victor to the spot for some time.

//

Victor takes a shower and hangs around the apartment in relative silence for hours. He pets Makkachin, turns on some of his favorite jams from the 90s, and truly tries to give Yuuri some time to himself without freaking out about the older man impulsively rushing to the airport without saying goodbye or getting his things.

Once the sun goes down, Victor sends Yuuri a text. The two of them had properly exchanged numbers over the course of Yuuri's stay, and Victor had been somewhat concerned about running up Yuuri's bill if he'd sent SMS messages to the younger man with an out-of-country number, but Yuuri had insisted it was no trouble. The silver-haired man presses send and hopes that Yuuri is in the mood to reply.

Radio silence is all that greets Victor. Thirty minutes later, Yuuri comes back to the apartment with a worn expression, and Victor is ready to lash out, but after seeing how red Yuuri's eyes are, he just folds his hands in his lap and waits.

Yuuri takes a moment to gather himself. Sits right on the floor and glares at Victor, but Victor can tell that the heat of the look is not because Yuuri is angry at him. He opens his mouth and says, "I didn't mean to say that earlier."

"Say what?" Victor's voice is strained, and he's determined to be every bit as stubborn as the other man.

"You  _know_ what," Yuuri snaps back, then sighs. "I meant what I said, but I didn't mean to tell you like I did."

Now Victor's just getting impatient. He stands up and breezily comments, "By telling me, rushing off, and refusing to even wait to hear what I had to say in response?" The brunette visibly flinches and Victor folds his arms over his chest. "Why did you run off?"

"I didn't," Yuuri stutters, eyes glistening again, "I didn't want to be. Inevitably. Rejected." He looks at the floor and wills himself not to hyperventilate, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to focus on the words he's saying. "I mean, I never asked you about this, but I know you're attracted to proper alphas, and maybe you even like betas, and. I'm just not. I'm not.  _Any of those things._ I'm just a mess."

"But you're you," Victor sternly says, taking strides to get closer to Yuuri, feeling on the verge of tears himself. "You never thought that I might take that into consideration? Genders aren't set in stone, Yuuri, and neither are sub-gender delegations. You want to be an alpha on a Monday? You  _are_. A beta on Tuesday? Still you." Yuuri's brown eyes flick up at him like Victor is delivering the gospel itself, and it gives Victor the strength to kneel down and put his hands on Yuuri's shoulders. "For the record, I like you too. That's what you would've heard if you had stuck around and waited, Yuuri."

"Really?" His voice is so quiet it's barely a whisper.

"Yes," Victor assures him, his voice just as quiet. Yuuri's lips quirk upwards and he starts to breathlessly laugh. "And for the record, I am the type of person who is comforted by kisses, so could I kiss you, now that we've confirmed that our feelings are mutual?"

Yuuri snorts, crying for the third time today. "I don't think that's the best way of handling problems, just kissing them away."

"So you don't want to kiss me?" The older man pouts.

"I never said that," Yuuri quips back while shaking his head. "I'm just crying and I look like shit. You really want to kiss this?"

Victor pushes Yuuri's dark bangs out of his face and moves so that his breath is warm over the younger man's lips. "Absolutely," he says. They move close and Victor keeps his dry kisses brief in order to let Yuuri properly sigh and gasp, making a questioning sound before he flicks out his tongue.

 _That's enough,_ he tells himself, pulling back and taking in the sight of Yuuri's open shock and happy flush. He himself feels a little winded by how very beautiful Yuuri looks, strung out and red-eyed.  _That's enough._

When Yuuri is finally composed in some way, he pulls Victor extremely close and burrows his nose into the crook of Victor's collar. "I take it back. Kissing is nice."

Victor blushes and smiles gently. "You want to kiss one more time?"

"Yeah," Yuuri quietly admits, turning his head to grin back at the other man. "Maybe just one more time."

When they kiss the second, third, fourth, and fifth time, they explore each other's mouths with their tongues and part for the evening in a haze.

//

Yuuri and Victor start talking about the particulars of what they actually are to each other the following morning. For Victor to give Yuuri the lofty designation of boyfriend is truly such a gift, and Yuuri feels like he's on cloud nine as soon as Victor offers the title. After that, they start talking about hormones, gender, and more, and Yuuri realizes that they haven't even approached the subject of sexuality.

There is just so much to cover, and just as soon as Yuuri had felt like he was on the verge of discovering a true source of positivity in himself through the beginnings of his relationship with Victor, it feels as though he's crashing again. Of course Victor is attractive. Of course Yuuri has fantasized about doing things with Victor without their clothes on, but he is equally paralyzed by the thought.

Victor has had surgery, and Yuuri is supportive of that, but what if he behaves impolitely once they're actually being intimate?

Sensing the anxieties buzzing around Yuuri's head, Victor moves so that he's standing behind Yuuri and loops his arms around the shorter man's waist. "What's on your mind, lovely?"

Yuuri flushes hot. "L-lovely?"

"You," Victor hums, kissing Yuuri's cheek. "And you didn't answer me."

There are too many things he'd been thinking about, so Yuuri blurts back in response, "Could I just. Could I maybe check out your scent gland for a while?" It's something they've never talked about, despite being pretty transparent about all their transitions and the impact of the hormones on their bodies. "I'm sorry if that's an uncomfortable question. It's just. Always been something I wanted to try. I mean, I know I don't have the dental structure to scent you properly or anything."

"It's okay," Victor reassuringly smiles and shakes his head, strands of silver hair tickling Yuuri's neck. "My glands didn't change with my surgery, you know? I'd really like that." He pulls away and Yuuri turns around happily, standing up from the bar stool in Victor's kitchen and following Victor to the bedroom. As soon as the door closes behind them, Yuuri starts to shuffle awkwardly. Victor makes a move to pull his shirt off and Yuuri squeaks, unsure of where he should place his eyes. Victor chuckles as the younger man takes off his glasses and pointedly turns his head. "You're going to be scenting me soon, and we're dating now."

"We just started dating!" Yuuri's voice is high-pitched and it makes Victor feel even more sultry as he sits down. "Are you...are you sure?"

Victor tugs the waistband of his sweatpants down to reveal a flash of his pelvic bones. "Yes, I'm sure. Are you?"

Yuuri gulps and turns slowly, sure that his face is on fire. "Yeah." He carefully takes off his sweater, keenly aware of Victor's sharp blue eyes studying him. His chest is just as pink as his face, but Victor is smirking like a coy cat and it makes Yuuri wary. Victor motions for Yuuri to approach him on the bed and when Yuuri's weight makes the mattress creak, both of them inhale quickly.

The silver-haired man waits until Yuuri's hands rest on his waist before turning over. "Take your time, Yuuri. You're welcome to stop if you're uncomfortable."

"Okay." Once Victor has shifted and gotten adjusted, Yuuri opens his mouth and traces his fingertips over Victor's shoulder blades where a non-prominent gland rests. He closes his eyes, presses his lips to Victor's back, and slowly lets his teeth creep out. Victor lets out a happy noise that's something of a cross between a hum and a moan, so Yuuri digs his canines in deeper and both of them buck in reaction.

Victor's skin is  _sensitive_ , and he finds himself eager to do more very quickly. Yuuri is starting to smell musky, a little like campfire and fresh laundry, and Victor snaps his legs together, feeling abruptly sweaty and feverish. Likewise, Yuuri is drowning in Victor's citrusy fragrance, a little sour, mostly sweet, and addictive as hell. He moves so that his legs are planted on both sides of Victor's waist and when he moves, grinding down on the older man, both of them groan.

"Victor," Yuuri breathes slowly, living for every soft gasp Victor lets out. "Victor." Yuuri feels warmer than ever, ready to rip off the pants he'd refused to take off earlier and take things further than they already have. He rolls his hips one more time before he moves again, legs weak and chest heaving.

The older man turns on his side, hair falling in his eyes while he grins. "Did you enjoy that?"

"A little bit too much," Yuuri admits, tucking into himself a bit while his ears turn red.

When Victor sits up, he takes Yuuri's hand and both men trade wobbly nervous smiles. "Maybe we can try again sometime soon?"

"Yeah," Yuuri agrees softly, refusing to look at Victor in fear of squirming out of his skin in embarrassment. "For sure."

//

The next couple of weeks are a lot of fun. Yuuri finds a pharmacy to get more alpha hormone supplements and as he gradually fills out, feeling more confident, he also grows more confident in his relationship with Victor. Both of them go on conditioning runs and hit the rink in the afternoons, and before Yuuri truly realizes, his sister is sending him emails, asking whether he's ever planning to come home.

Yuuri jolts out of bed, out of Victor's arms, and blearily checks the calendar.

He's been in St. Petersburg for almost two months, with his online friend, his old childhood idol, who had, by some miracle, become his boyfriend, and fellow sub-gender trans companion. What had happened? He doesn't have a proper job, although he's been plenty happy goofing around in the city with Victor and getting to know the older man's skating group. Hell, he'd thought about leaving that first week, just for how much he'd felt like he was making himself an unwelcome guest in Victor's house for having an unrequited crush on him. (The  _unrequited_ part had turned out to be false, but the point still stands.)

Victor's voice is a faraway sound in the buzz of Yuuri's mind. What is he doing? He'd left life in Japan behind on a whim, and he hasn't so much as called home. Makkachin is barking - or is it Vicchan? - and he woozily stares into space, vastly overwhelmed.

"Yuuri," Victor's voice is getting louder, pulling Yuuri back down to earth. "Yuuri!"

He tunes back in and before being able to say a word, he falls apart.

Yesterday, everything had been perfect, and Yuuri should have known that this was a premonition of failure.

He doesn't deserve to be the alpha for Victor.

He dashes around the apartment in complete silence, in a full shutdown, unaware that Victor is yelling his name and trying to reach out to him.

Before Victor can firmly grasp Yuuri's wrists and stop him, the younger man is gone.

 _It's over_ , Yuuri decides.

//

He doesn't count on Victor crying angry, hurt tears about his sudden departure. What hurts the most is that Victor could see the decision happening inside of Yuuri's mind while he'd been ready to kiss the other man softly in bed and further cement their relationship.

The past two months had been the best of his life, and now? Victor's so infuriated that he can hardly believe it himself. Yuuri's an idiot. His feelings of inadequacy are misplaced, and Victor couldn't love the man any more if he tried. Yuuri's a good fit for him, and he's a good fit for Yuuri.

All he has to do is get  _Yuuri_ to see that.

There are things he has to do in St. Petersburg before he chases Yuuri down, but he'll be damned if he's going to be dropped without a fight.

Maybe Yuuri will never parse things in the right way if Victor isn't blunt with him.

 _I am in love with that stupid man, no matter what._ Everything he's learned from Yuuri over the last year has meant the world to him, and being able to take one step forward with him makes the knife of Victor's current pain cut that much deeper. _I never told him that._

Victor's determination makes him wipe the tears from his eyes and straighten his back.

He hurries to hug his dog for strength, leaving her a bowl of food and giving her fresh water before he dashes out of the apartment, barely remembering to lock the door behind him as he goes.


	2. mutual frustrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not that Yuuri is _hiding_ from Victor, exactly.
> 
> Except that he totally is.
> 
> (Victor's trip to Hasetsu is overdue, he's on a mission, and Yuuri's friends only want the best for him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!! welcome back to this fic. i realize that this story is quite a bit heavier than my usual stories are, and i'm really glad to hear such positive feedback for the first part.
> 
> everyone's comments on part one definitely lift my spirits, and i'm absolutely thrilled that people have been enjoying this. it means the world to me.
> 
> here's part two, the conclusion, and i hope you all will continue to enjoy both this ride and my future works! ♥

Yuuri shows up on the Nishigori's doorstep in the middle of the night looking haggard. His face is splotchy, his eyes are red, and he has nothing in his hands save for his cell phone, and Yuuko is immediately alarmed as she shuffles the man inside of their home. Takeshi blearily turns the corner from the bedroom, and his eyes grow wide when he sees their unexpected guest.

"Sorry," he says, syllables coming out in wheezes as the couple tries to coax him into a calmer pattern of breathing. He puts a hand to his mouth to fight the rush of nausea he feels clouding his mind. "I'm sorry, I should've called, but I couldn't figure out where else to go."

Takeshi and Yuuko share a look quickly before helping Yuuri stand up and get inside of a futon, unlacing his shoes and ignoring his weak protests. They remember having to defend him from violent bullies in middle school, remember putting hands on his back when he'd worked up the courage to talk to his parents about his gender and sexuality, and they'll be damned if they're going to abandon Yuuri now.

The kids miraculously stay in bed until they get Yuuri to go to sleep, keeping a water bottle nearby and wiping the sweat off of his brow.

Yuuko sighs and sits close to her husband, giving her childhood friend a heady glare. "What do you think happened?"

"I dunno," Takeshi replies softly, reaching for his wife's hand with a furrowed brow. "Last I saw him, he was jetting off to Russia to see his friend, or something like that. Have you talked to him?"

The woman knows how one-track-minded Yuuri is, and although she's traded a couple of silly jokes with Yuuri over the last few weeks, she hadn't expected to hear anything of substance from her friend. He hardly talks to her about serious stuff in person. She would be foolish to think that he would be more willing to communicate online, since he is a slow typist. "No."

They sit next to Yuuri's futon for twenty minutes before his breathing truly evens out, and then they make their way to bed.

//

Three days after Yuuri's departure, Victor sweeps into the rink with a cool expression and jumps so crisp that he could go back to the competition. Yuri notices the borderline  _serene_ expression on the silver-haired man's face and he's both infuriated and enthralled. It's hard not to watch Victor when he's skating his best - he's the world's most legendary figure skater for a reason. He's an entertainer, a magician, and when he goes for the quad loop, it's like he hasn't left the ice at all. The last three months of vacation and conditioning seem to have just made him  _more_ ruthless, and Yakov narrows his eyes at the man.

Before he can come over and figure out why Victor is skating like his life depends on it, Yuri Plisetsky skates into Victor's space and narrowly avoids a nasty collision. It's no thanks to him - Victor pulls his body to a casual stop, like he'd fully expected for someone to come over and speak to him in the middle of a routine.

"What's all this about?" The blonde puts his hands on his hips, scowling up at his old rink mate. "You trying to come out of retirement? Where's your attachment?"

"Gone," Victor coolly answers, gliding quickly to the side of the rink with green eyes following him.

"What do you mean  _gone_?" Yuri had taken to mocking Victor and Yuuri for being glued to each other's sides every time they stopped by, but regardless of his scathing words, he'd still joined them for lunch a couple of times, and Victor's fairly sure that the young man is coming to terms with Victor's lifestyle decisions. The ice between them had been thawing, largely in part thanks to Victor's boyfriend, and now Yuuri, the peacemaker of the trio, isn't here. The blonde grabs Victor's elbow and almost makes him stumble as the older man reaches for his blade guards. "What did you do to him?"

Victor shrugs Yuri's hold off, blue eyes sharp as daggers as he glares down at the teen. " _Nothing_."

"Then why isn't he here?"

Before he can stop himself, Victor grabs Yuri's chin and smiles chillingly. "He broke up with me, Yura, so I don't  _know_. But I'm going to find out."

With those words, Victor storms off. He hands Yakov his keys, asks his old coach to please take care of his dog, and says that he has a plane to catch in three hours, leaving the rest of the team to gape at him as he leaves.

//

Yuuko  _remembers_ Yuuri's childhood well. Perhaps a bit too well. Neither she nor Nishigori had been the best to him in their very early years, but they'd been children with a lot of room for growth. Everyone had been given the talks about presentations before the tests had been conducted. Gender discussion and discourse are still buzzwords, both for primary and sub-genders, but when Yuuri had gotten his results, she and her future husband hadn't really understood what they had meant.

Yuuko's slip had read  _Beta_ , as had Takeshi's. 

Yuuri's had said  _Omega_.

All they'd known was that, after that, children of all genders had flung insults at him. In high school, people had yelled all sorts of ignorant things and Yuuri's feet had dragged each time someone had said his fragrance felt _off_. Takeshi and Yuuko had been a grade above him, and rushing to Yuuri's defense made them targets as well, much to Yuuri's terror. Yuuri had avoided them for a time, even though he'd been subjected to ridicule in health classes. He hadn't experienced a heat by age eighteen, even though he could smell the heady scents of his classmates, knowing that messy, inexperienced mating had been taking place around him.

One angry night at dinner, where Yuuko and Takeshi had been stopping over at the Katsuki home, Yuuri had slammed his palms down on the table, had shakily stood up without saying a word, and stormed off to his room. His friends had come upstairs with concerned expressions, and it had been all he could do to whisper that he wanted to be left alone, so they'd gone home.

He had never managed to properly parse it as dysphoria at the time.

Now?

He knows exactly what's going on, what's wrong, and that things have changed, but nothing can erase the fact that he had run away from Victor, who had been nothing but accepting and understanding of Yuuri's current stance on alpha/beta fluidity. The snappy man is smart, braver than Yuuri will ever be, and Yuuri, who is currently being pestered by the triplets and given worried glances by the Nishigori couple is trying his best to shrug it off.

This is better. Bottling up his feelings, hiding all of this away from Victor's beautiful, piercing blue eyes, is better.

 _He doesn't need my mess weighing him down,_ he thinks, accepting a fresh bowl of rice from Yuuko.

Unfortunately, Yuuko is too good a friend to let him sit and wallow in misery by himself. After she talks to Takeshi about what's going on, having done her research on everything Yuuri's been going through with his sub-gender identity, she sends Mari a text. Yuuri might never talk to her, or Minako, or his parents, but that doesn't mean they can't help.

> ** _Yuuri's back in town,_** she tells Mari,  ** _and he looks worse than he did before he left. What do you want me to do? I don't think he's ready to go to the inn just yet, and he's definitely not ready to talk._**

Fifteen minutes later, Yuuri is dragged by the girls to go talk about figure skaters and help them color lined drawings, and Yuuko's phone buzzes. Takeshi gives her a supportive look as she hurries into the kitchen to pick up the phone. He chats with Yuuri and his children gregariously, keeping his voice quite loud to cover up the sounds of Yuuko's discussion.

"Sorry about him," Mari eventually says, puffing on a cigarette and closing her eyes. "Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with him. Could you keep him hidden at your place for just a little bit longer?"

"You sure that's the best choice?" Yuuko puts a hand to the bridge of her nose, terrified about how waifish and pale Yuuri's looked over the last few days. "I just feel like he looks so. Broken."

"We've tried everything to get him to talk to us," Mari exhales, voice full of mixed emotions. "But you know how he is. He'll tell us when he's ready, blurt it out when he can't keep it inside anymore."

Yuuko sighs. "I just don't understand. What could have happened in Russia?"

"Damned if I know," the older woman murmurs. "I promise you, if I find out it was something bad, I won't rest until someone sees hell for hurting my brother."

The younger woman giggles at that. Mari is a force to be reckoned with on a good day, and the very thought of somebody hurting her baby brother is enough to make her even more threatening than usual. "Yeah. I just want to make sure he knows we're here for him, you know?"

Mari pauses for a moment before replying. "He might not be able to see it yet, but he will soon. Thanks, Yuuko. I appreciate you looking out for him."

"Of course," she scoffs. "Yuuri's like my brother, too."

Once she hangs up, she goes to the room with everyone else and picks up a colored pencil, flashing grins at Takeshi and Yuuri.

Yuuri's responding smile is wobbly, but it's a lot warmer than his looks had been throughout breakfast.

//

Victor glides through the airport, through customs, and receives a ton of looks both for his teal stiletto boots and his patterned poncho. He gives winsome smiles to people who recognize him from his skating days, pausing for pictures and selfies while he clicks down the marble tiles and gets ready to leave the country.

He'd brushed up his memory on things about Yuuri's hometown before booking his flight. Previous member of the JSF, hometown: Hasetsu, Japan. It's a somewhat quiet place, and Victor would normally be thrilled to go on vacation there and find new places to eat and relax. If he could stroll the streets with Yuuri, calmly holding his boyfriend's hand and smiling the sights, it would be a very different experience.

Unfortunately, Victor is stubborn, Yuuri isn't his boyfriend, and, it occurs to him as he adjusts his shades and exhales slowly, with nothing but his thoughts and music thrumming in his ears, he realizes that perhaps he's being a little impulsive and ridiculous about the whole thing. If Yuuri thinks this relationship is so flimsy that he can just walk away without a word, maybe none of this is worth it. Hell, Chris had said the same last night, but Victor had already bought the tickets, and more than anything, Victor just misses his  _friend_.

Yuuri had been the person he'd connected with the most easily in his ventures online. The eight weeks before this had been nothing but warm and inviting, truly. Victor's aware that he could just drop this, could be hurt, could keep bitching about how much he hates Yuuri and what Yuuri had done to him, could move on with anyone who was willing to talk to him, but he doesn't  _want_ to do that. He's been friends with Yuuri for the better part of a year, and maybe he's getting ahead of himself, but he truly feels like he's in  _love_ with Yuuri.

Just twenty minutes into this lengthy flight and he already feels on the verge of tears.

What is he supposed to do when he actually  _gets_ to the town?

//

People are staring at him because he's really  _tall_. He's beautiful too, of course - Victor's never been shy or insecure about his looks, and he knows why there are so many people gaping, either openly or discreetly. When he steps into a cab, the driver staring at his boots, Victor gives the man a dazzling smile and relaxes in the back seat, absently looking at his social media just to occupy his time.

It's a long ride from the airport to center of Hasetsu, where Yuuri's family inn sits. Victor had sent the younger man letters a few times, and recalls Yuuri talking about coming home after retirement to  _Yu-topia Akatsuki_. The building is somehow more daunting in person. As he steps in, sliding the door open, he is greeted by a stocky man wearing glasses with a kind smile and dark eyes.

"Hello," Victor says, keeping his English level and polished, hoping that it's no trouble to speak it instead of his  _excessively_ poor Japanese. "Is there a Yuuri Katsuki here?"

The man obviously tenses up, even though he's still giving Victor a business smile. Victor almost groans, finding that reflex so relatable. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm a friend of his, from Saint Petersburg, Russia," he says, slowly lifting his sunglasses. A woman with a pear shape and soft cheeks turns the corner and gasps with delight. Now that the handsome stranger's face is properly revealed, both the man and the woman recognize him. It's no surprise. Yuuri had told Victor that he was a big fan back in their early chats. "My name is Victor Nikiforov."

Hiroko takes his hands and beams. She gushes over him and takes him to Yuuri's room, which is covered with posters. Gives him a little bit of a background on her son before scurrying off and leaving Victor alone, _presumably_ to glance at all the photos of himself and look at the other trinkets Yuuri had left lying around.

Everything just makes his heart beat faster.

If he's not here, then where  _is_ Yuuri? It's irrational to think of, of course, but Victor starts wondering if perhaps the other man has harmed himself in some way, or has been abducted. He spends a few minutes looking around for clues before slowly slipping out of the room, feeling like an intruder being stared at with his own cool blue gaze on every poster.

Victor descends the steps quickly and he bumps into a woman with two tones of hair with an apron for the inn and a face that feels familiar. He apologizes for nearly knocking her to the floor and she almost drops the tray she'd been holding.

"Oh my god," she says, English sharp and scathing, "You're him. That famous skater. Niki-something or another."

"Victor Nikiforov," he says patiently, having gone through that sort of mixup hundreds of times in his life. "Yes, I am."

"Yuuri's a big fan, oh man," Mari mutters, looking flustered. "When he finds out that you're here, he's going to lose his mind."

Victor's eyes light up, and he barely refrains from shaking her by the shoulders in his happy shock. "You know where he is?" Mari looks so bewildered by Victor's expression that they both take a step back from each other. "How I wound up here is a long story, but I need to speak with him."

The woman bites her lip worryingly. "I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I haven't even told my parents."

 _How frustrating._ Still, this is no reason to panic. He has a hint now.

Victor runs a hand through his hair with a shaky grin. He misses the comfort of his boots, the extra height making him feel like he could loom over everyone around him. "Is there anyone else I could talk to about him?" He'd thought he'd learned lots about Yuuri over the last year or so, but this whole fiasco just goes to show that there is much he does not know. "Could you let him know that I'm in town?"

Chris had made Victor promise to buy a return ticket, just in case. Yuuri had stayed in Russia until he'd stormed out on a whim, but Victor's best friend wants the older man to stay cautious and keep from getting his heart broken.

That means Victor's time is running out quickly, and he'll be damned if he gets  _this_ close to Yuuri, only to find the man elusively out of his reach.

Mari has pity on him. She reaches in her apron pocket for a notebook and scribbles out some Japanese characters, followed by a little map and one or two English words. "Speak to Minako. I'll work on Yuuri." Victor clasps her hands with his heart soaring.

Once he's gone, she squints at him, an idea formulating in her head. If she remembers correctly, the silver-haired man is Russian, and his drive to find Yuuri and speak to him lines up with Yuuri's aversion to come home and talk about what had happened to him. She's a naturally observant person, so she can tell that Victor looks like a lost and broken man. It's unlikely that he'd hurt Yuuri in any way - not when he'd been ready to cry with relief at finding out Yuuri was  _close_ by, even if Victor couldn't meet him just yet.

She's going to put all the pieces together soon.

//

The studio is well-lit and when Victor knocks on the front door, he is greeted by a long-haired woman with a dancer's figure. Unsurprising, since the focus of this particular studio is ballet. The place advertises classes on ballroom, ballet, and tap, but by the looks of things, the only person with a serious passion for the craft is the woman leading the older couple's steps.

Victor watches wth his arms loosely hanging by his side, waiting until the woman pauses her class of two and puts her hand out in greeting. "I'm Minako Okukawa," she says promptly, lips curling upwards. "Nice to meet you, Victor Nikiforov."

He's surprised, and it shows on his face. While he shakes her hand, he laughs. "A pleasure, truly."

"If you'll give me five minutes, I'll have time to talk. Is that okay?"

"Yes, absolutely," Victor patiently replies, leaning against the wall. "Take your time."

Her voice is easy on the ears as she helps the older couple cool down, and she grabs a towel. While she wipes her brow and lets the cloth rest on her shoulders, she says, "So, what brings a famous figure skater around to these parts?" Minako's eyes flit over to her water bottle and she crouches to pick it up as Victor gathers his courage and thinks carefully about what he's going to say.

"I was hoping you could tell me more about Yuuri Katsuki," He answers with a level tone, and is somewhat amused to find that she becomes defensive at the drop of Yuuri's name as well. It's good that Yuuri has such a sturdy network of family and friends in his hometown. "I'm a friend of his and a fellow retired skater. Is it truly so strange that I should be asking?"

"Well, you're famous, and Hasetsu is a little place," Minako says, hustling around her studio to tidy up before beckoning for Victor to follow her out of the place with her bag over her shoulder. "Lots of people come looking for Yuuri, and they're not usually his personal contacts." Minako looks up at Victor with narrowed eyes as she turns off the lights in her studio and locks the door behind them. "Tell me why you're really here and then we'll talk."

Victor sighs, somewhat frustrated, but more interested in abating Minako's concerns than he is to start a fight. "It's a long story. Would you like to sit and grab a coffee?"

"Sounds good," the woman hums. "I know just the place."

They walk to an unassuming teahouse run by an old couple, and Minako helps Victor order a café au lait before he delves into his story. There's a lot of ground to cover, and he's not really sure how much of his gender identity Yuuri has talked about, so he cleans his story up quite a bit. At the core, it's all very romantic - two lonely men, lost after retiring from their sport, becoming friends online and eventually lovers, albeit only briefly. Then again, he can't talk much about  _that_ , either. He bites his lips.

Yuuri is a private person. There's no sense in outing Yuuri to a family friend if it would just drive the younger man further away. Minako can tell there's more that Victor is hiding, but seeing Russia's living legend so torn to say anything makes her take pity on him.

"He's really a mess, you know," Minako says, sipping at her red rooibos tea and cradling the ceramic cup carefully. "Which, if you're really his friend, you probably know that well by now."

"Yes," Victor says with a sardonic smile. "Unfortunately."

She sighs as she puts her cup down, meeting Victor's eyes and delving into a story of her own, letting her guard down just a bit. "He was a lonely kid, you know? There's really just nobody like him around here, but we take care of him." The thought of Yuuri sitting in Hasetsu in silence before they'd met tugs at Victor's heart strings. It hurts even more because he'd been much the same. "He almost never thinks about himself, except when he  _does_ , it's always the worst possible take that he can spin on things. His idea of protecting himself is to shut everyone else around him out."

Victor feels like crying. "Yes, I know." As Victor sits across from her solemnly, he's not sure why he'd thought this would be a good idea. Now he just misses Yuuri sorely, and he can't even hug Yuuri and tell him to scream all the bad feelings out of his system. "Minako, please. I have to find him. I know very well that he needs some time to himself, but this is important."

Minako's never seen the man so distraught. Not when he'd been skating. Not at that wild press conference three years ago. And all of this, for Yuuri?

Whatever's going on between Victor and Yuuri is _serious_.

"I'll see what I can do," Minako says, standing up with a huff. "How long are you in town?"

"Not long."

Her brown eyes study Victor and she pulls out her phone. "Okay." She puts a hand on Victor's shoulder and smiles reassuringly. "I'll make sure you see him before you leave, alright? I can tell you really care about him."

Victor sighs in relief. "I do. I  _really_ do."

Minako makes quick work of her fast-paced calls and fishes in her bag for a notebook and a piece of paper.

"Tomorrow, you go here at eleven sharp. Understood?" Her script is slightly loopy, but her instructions are clear, and he nods. "Don't be late or we're all screwed."

"Understood."

She puts a hand on her hip as she fishes for her purse, and stops Victor from offering to pay. They'd only gotten drinks, and she's no slouch in the personal finance department either. "When all of this is over, we should try to have dinner over at the Katsuki's place. Yuuri's mom is a phenomenal cook."

He shakes on it with a small smile. "Certainly. I'd like that."

They part ways with a wave.

//

 

The next morning, Victor wakes up  _early_ to prepare his things and meet at the spot. The previous evening, he'd had to retrieve his bag from the Katsuki's inn, go to his hotel, and had stayed up most of the night doing nothing in particular - just mentally rehearsing what he would say.

He dresses pretty moderately, all things considered - a short double-breasted black jacket, slim fitting jeans, and a pair of dark loafers - and arrives at the location at ten-thirty. He sees Yuuri stop in the doorway a few minutes before eleven, and the other man from the car pushes Yuuri inside before he can protest.

Yuuri doesn't look well. Pale face, dark circles around his eyes. He's wearing an oversized sweater and overall, he just looks floored to find Victor here as he takes a seat. "Hey," Yuuri says slowly, avoiding Victor's eyes with a raspy tone. "This wasn't what I what I was expecting."

"I know," Victor keeps his voice soft. He flicks through the menu absently, even though he's had plenty of time to decide what he wants. When the server comes around, they both promptly order and then they trade equally exhausted glances. "We need to talk."

After a long period of silence, Yuuri draws in a breath and finally looks at Victor properly. "Yeah. Yeah, we do." Yuuri bows his head and says, "I shouldn't have left like I did."

"You were nervous. I get it." Victor says, every word cutting Yuuri deeper, even though all Victor wants to do is get to the heart of the matter. "What I don't understand is why you didn't talk to me first."

"Because it. It was all just." Yuuri inhales deeply, tears beginning to well up as he glares and scowls at Victor. "I wasn't worth it, okay? I'm not worth _all_ of this. Why are you here?"

"Because _I_ think what we have is special," Victor replies quickly, on the verge of tears himself. "I really care about you, Yuuri, I thought i was pretty damn clear about that, and then you  _left me_."

"But  _why_ would you care about me so much?" Yuuri unexpectedly raises his voice and Victor's eyes widen. Other people are staring at them as well, and Yuuri's realization about this makes him mind his tone as he starts to cry. "How am I supposed to stay when I'm so sure it's going to end? There's a million better people out there for you, and I  _know_ I'll never be enough of an alpha to satisfy you. I just know it."

"How could you know all of that without  _asking_ me?" Victor's cheeks are wet before he knows it and he's  _truly_ surprised at how poorly Yuuri had misjudged his sexual appetite or interests. "I don't care about your presentation, you selfish ass, I care about  _yo u_!"

Yuuri reels back like he's been burned. "What?"

Victor stands up, even as the server comes around and shushes them. "I love you, stupid. How many times are you going to run away from that fact?"

Silence falls at the table and they dab at their tears, managing to eat exactly nothing. They ask for take out boxes, tip heartily for the trouble they've caused, and walk outside for a while. It's fairly cool outside, so they sniffle and gather their jackets tighter around themselves.

The shorter man comes to a stop after fifteen minutes or so, finding a fairly quiet playground and bowing deeply, glasses nearly falling off of his face. "I'm sorry. I was an idiot." He stays there, waiting for Victor to say anything, and finally eases out of the bend when his back starts to ache.

Victor is  _laughing_ and Yuuri is on the verge of fuming when he stops to say, "Yeah, you can say that again." He holds out a hand to Yuuri and when Yuuri goes for a handshake, he pulls the younger man to his chest, closing his eyes slowly. "Let's talk for real this time."

Yuuri shakily snakes his arms around Victor, leaning into the hug slowly, closing his eyes and relishing in Victor's scent. "Yeah. Let's do that."

//

They walk on the beach despite the chill, relishing in how very much it reminds them of the pier in St. Petersburg. "I care about you a lot," Yuuri says as he unlaces his shoes and takes off his socks, happy to feel the texture of the sand on his feet. "I'm just not used to, you know, being _happy_." He'd suffered through the senior ranks and had retired without a true banner of victory to his name. His personal anxieties had hit him hard in the two years after he'd left the competition, and rampant depressive thoughts had left him lonely.

On top of that, coming to terms with his gender identity is something Yuuri continues to struggle with every day, even though his heart could burst with how much he loves Victor, how much Victor has come to mean to him, and that scares him.

"It scares me too, you know," Victor says, taking Yuuri's free hand and kissing it.

Victor remembers those horrible nights, screaming at Yakov; remembers what a pleasant surprise it had been to find out how sardonically humored Yuuri had been from the jump - how easily they had slotted together and scented, despite the sentiments of erasure from the general populace.

Yuuri is a man, and a fluid alpha/beta besides, and Victor is an omega, even though he'd had to fight for his right to be called such, being misgendered at every turn.

"That's why being together with you scares me," Yuuri says, eyes sparkling and voice half-broken. "It makes me think anything is possible, and I'm terrified that I'm going to screw everything up."

Victor comes behind Yuuri, closes his eyes, and desperately tries to communicate to the other man how much he feels the same. "I'm the same way, but Yuuri? That's love. We have to believe in ourselves, that we're going to make it through all those dark thoughts in our minds and fight to stay true to ourselves. Whatever you're thinking, whatever you're struggling with, I'm always going to be there for you."

Yuuri puts his hands over Victor's and closes his eyes, amazed to find that he has not yet run out of tears to cry today. "You're an idiot. You know that, right?"

"Rude," Victor replies, kissing Yuuri gently on the shoulder.

The two of them stand there and bask for a long time before Yuuri takes Victor's hand and they walk away from the ocean front, pausing to kiss underneath the midday sun before they go.

//

Yuuri makes quick work of introducing Victor as his boyfriend to his friends. Takeshi and Yuuko are floored, mostly because they're big skating fans as well. When Axel, Lutz, and Loop crash into the doorway, Victor is surrounded by enthusiasm and questions, asked for autographs on their merchandise. Yuuri tries to play translator on top of telling Victor that Yuuko had been the one to get him into ice skating in the first place.

Takeshi just slings an arm over Yuuri's shoulder and whispers a crude joke to his young friend. Yuuri flushes hot and elbows the older man in the side. After they stick around and catch up, going over basic introductions with the Nishigori family, Yuuri pushes past all of them to the guest room to get his things. There's not much - just a couple of outfits, really, because Yuuri had left most of his things at Victor's place.

Victor folds his arms over his chest while Yuuri rolls up the futon. "They're nice."

Yuuri smiles fondly. "Yeah. I mean, they have been hiding me for most of the week." He sighs heavily as he puts the bedding and linen back in the closet. "I have a lot of people to talk to now that I'm back in town. My sister and my old ballet instructor are going to kick my ass."

"No doubt about that," Victor assures him. Yuuri squints at Victor suspiciously. "What? I had to find out where you were somehow, right? I couldn't have told them the details about _us_ , of course, but I did have a nice conversation with Minako yesterday."

The brunette groans, half-heartedly glaring at Yuuko as they leave the house. Yuuko sticks out her tongue at him and pats Yuuri on the back. "Try to come back and give us a proper visit next time, okay?"

Yuuri's lips lift slowly and he nods as he and Victor step outside.

After that's finished, he takes Victor to Minako's studio, and the woman berates Yuuri for five minutes for not coming to see her right away, then pinches his cheeks and grins as Victor giggles at their antics. She's obviously a positive force for Yuuri, because Yuuri perks up while they catch up. She claps Victor on the shoulder as Yuuri ambles off, and wishes him good luck for meeting the parents.

Victor isn't a nervous person by nature, but he's pretty jumpy about the notion, now that she mentions it. Still.

Looping arms with Yuuri, listening to the younger man's soft voice pointing out things as the sun lazily sets is really very nice. Both of them are tired, both from walking miles around town, as well as going through emotional highs and lows together.

When Yuuri comes home, he is met by his sister, mother, and father, all of them eager to buzz around him and welcome him home. Victor notes that Yuuri doesn't hug any of them, and feels the need to lean more of his weight on his boyfriend and delights to find Yuuri's cheeks turning pink.

His relatives gasp at the display of intimacy, but Yuuri doesn't push Victor off of him, so Victor beams like a goofball.

Most of the words flying around are talking about how much they'd missed Yuuri, asking how long he's going to stay, and now that they know Victor is dating Yuuri, they want to sit and have dinner with them. There's a bit too much going on for the brunette, though, so he tells everyone he's going upstairs to nap and he'll catch up when he wakes up. Victor apologetically bows his head and says he's going to do the same.

Yuuri opens the door to his room and promptly blushes, slamming the door closed behind him. "Well. This is embarrassing."

"It's okay. I saw it when I was trying to find you yesterday," Victor murmurs, grinning smugly as Yuuri groans. "You really were a big fan. Do you want my autograph too?"

"Oh, hush," Yuuri slaps Victor halfheartedly on the arm, then yawns. "I really do want to take a nap, though."

Victor is keenly aware of how strange things are between them, so he says, "Okay," and backs away slowly. Yuuri grabs Victor's wrist suddenly, stopping him, and the older man stares at Yuuri with baited breath.

"My bed's tiny and it'll probably be uncomfortable," Yuuri whispers, voice still cracking from strain, "But you can...you can stay, if you're not creeped out by all these pictures of you. I'll take them down later."

The silver-haired man turns around and grasps Yuuri's hand tightly. "Yes. I'd like to stay." The two of them shrug out of their jackets and lay down, hearts racing as they try to relax and unwind and take a nap.

Victor's arm comes around Yuuri's abdomen, and it's like they hadn't been apart at all.

//

When the men come downstairs for dinner later, still fairly jet-lagged and baggy-eyed, they are met with Mari's intense gaze and the burning end of her cigarette. The door of the room is wide open for ventilation, but the smell still makes the athletes cough a bit.

"So," Mari gives her a brother a look. "This is why you went to Russia for two months, huh?"

"Mmm," Yuuri hums, fidgeting. "Yeah, sorry. I know I kind of took off without warning."

"And the smell?" Her little brother full on sputters and flushes at that. Even Victor is taken off-guard - it's not usually considered part of polite conversation to talk about scenting and sub-genders with anyone aside from romantic partners. "You might be able to fool everybody else we know, because they're betas, but I'm an alpha. Your scent's changed over the last couple of years." Her dark eyes flick to Victor, who straightens his back. "Even more so when he's around."

Yuuri sighs and slumps his shoulders. "I never wanted to make a big deal of things, sis. It just...it is what it is."

Mari studies them for a moment later, then exhales smoke in a long breath. "You're happier like this?"

Yuuri looks down at himself, looks over at Victor, and whispers, "I'd like to think so."

"Okay then," she says, crouching down to put her cigarette out in an ashtray. "That's all I wanted to know." Yuuri and Victor don't immediately move because they're still processing her words, so she smirks and jerks her thumb at the hallway. "C'mon. Mom's probably done by now. Let's go eat."

They hang back a moment later and Victor whispers, "She's a pretty sweet sibling, huh?"

"When she wants to be, I guess she's sort of cool," Yuuri grumbles. "I could stand to be a little more open with her, I s'pose."

"You don't say," Victor deadpans, his sharp smile on. Yuuri groans. "I never would have guessed."

"Shut up," Yuuri replies without any heat.

//

Victor is once again startled by how much all the Katsuki family members resemble each other. Mari is of stocky build, almost the same height as her brother, and both Hiroko and Toshiya are soft-cheeked and curvy in general. It's easy to see where their children got their good looks from. It's even easier for Victor to imagine how lovely Yuuri will be in a few years, when they're ready to settle down and write books or something instead of being skating ambassadors and instructors.

That train of thought is a bit too sappy, even for him, so Victor shakes his head and focuses on the steaming piles of food placed in front of him.

They eat in relative quiet, asking a few questions about Victor's lifestyle, about what they'd done in St. Petersburg, and so forth. The idle chatter warms Victor's chest and obviously sets Yuuri at ease. Because they'd had such a long nap earlier, they're in no mood to go to sleep just yet, so Yuuri takes them to his favorite place in town.

They arrive at nine, well after the rink has closed, but Yuuri pulls out a key and puts a finger to his lips and Victor chuckles.

Neither of them particularly want to skate, but it's nice to just hold hands in the quiet and play music off of their phones, dreaming of routines and the like.

When they decide to head home, Victor says, "We should skate together some time," and Yuuri's dark eyes grow impossibly wide.

"You think we could?"

"Why not?" Victor shrugs and kisses Yuuri's temple. "It would be fun."

Yuuri winds up daydreaming about the possibility until he falls asleep that night.

//

The next few days are pretty chill, what with Yuuri showing Victor around and hanging out at some of his favorite diners. Still, as Victor's return date looms, he knows that there's a couple things he wants to take care of.

Yuuri has mentioned travel. Victor hasn't mentioned their relationship since the day of their reunion, but there is no time like the present.

After dinner, he pulls Yuuri aside and sits on the bed with a very serious expression. "I want you to know that I'm due for my first heat in a couple of months, and I'd like for you to stay with me through it."

"Oh," Yuuri replies eagerly, flushing slightly with concern and embarrassment. "I mean. Um. Yes! I'd love to. How does. How does it work?"

"There are tools and things we can use for the actual act of coupling itself," Victor calmly explains while Yuuri starts to blush even more heavily.

"When you say everything all clinically like that, it's somehow even worse," Yuuri mumbles. "Alrighty. I gotcha."

Victor takes Yuuri's hand and pushes their heads very close, hoping that Yuuri can feel the sincerity bubbling out of his chest. "I want to make sure you really want this, Yuuri. Will you scent me properly? Will you make me yours?"

The wording of that question almost makes Yuuri's heart stop.

Never in a million years would he have thought that Victor Nikiforov, internationally acclaimed figure skater and Yuuri's once-internet-friend would be pulling him close and making Yuuri sweat with how very much he'd always wanted to be asked something like this. The two of them are exactly as they are supposed to be, and Yuuri's mouth runs dry, nodding before he can stop himself.

Victor smiles and takes off his shirt. "I'm glad, Yuuri. I'm really glad." Yuuri leans his weight over Victor's back and dips down slowly, teeth edging the very muted protrusion of Victor's scent gland on his back and biting down as hard as he can manage. Victor sucks in a breath, smelling of something akin to oak or hickory and daisies. Yuuri's fingers wander over Victor's hips while he stays anchored there, loving the little gasps and hitches of Victor's breath as he eases away.

Yuuri looks at Victor panting below him and feels affection greater than he's ever known. Victor smiles and Yuuri burrows into his chest, ready to cry again. "I love you," Yuuri says and Victor laughs breathlessly, pulling Yuuri more tightly against him. "I really do."

"Then," Victor starts, hoping that the airy mood between them will buoy his words, "Will you come back to Saint Petersburg soon? I'm cursing my decisions, but my flight leaves tomorrow."

"Yes," Yuuri answers quickly, and Victor feels silly having been concerned. "I'll be a few days behind you, but we'll do this thing properly. I guess I should have asked that first time, but did you want me to move in with you?"

"I asked you to share my heat with you, silly man. We both told each other that we were in love." Victor kisses Yuuri's cheek and the younger man rolls his eyes. "Yes. Absolutely. Please move in with me."

"I just wanted to make  _sure_ , alright," Yuuri mutters in response. "I know this is dumb, because we're together now, and it's only going to be a few days, but I'll miss you."

Victor sits up a bit to take in the sight of his beautiful boyfriend. "It's not dumb. I missed you when we were apart this time. I'll miss you again this time. That's just the way it is."

Yuuri runs a hand through Victor's hair and smiles. "Yeah. I guess it is." The two of them kiss until their lips are puffy, and fall asleep curled up face-to-face.

//

This time, when Yuuri packs up and leaves Hasetsu, he cleans out his room.

This time, when Yuuri comes to Victor's apartment, he's coming as more than a friend.

This time, when he comes to the rink, chats with Yakov and his students, linking arms with Victor, he feels a sense of pride in himself and his relationship that he has never before felt. When Yuuri leaves home, Mari, Yuuko, Hiroko, Toshiya, and Minako cheer him onto victory and wish him happiness with his boyfriend. When he talks to Yuri, Georgi, Mila, and Lilia, they slowly open their minds and accept Yuuri into their hodgepodge family.

Nothing gets any easier. Victor still has depressive bouts about retiring from the skating scene; Yuuri still has huge looming anxieties about his sub-gender presentation. At the end of the day, the two of them are better together than they are apart, and the moment that truly shows them how powerful their relationship is comes when Yuri Plisetsky meets them after their goofy pairs practice session.

By this point, Yuuri and Victor's scents blend together, especially since they've both scented  _and_ mated at this point. Luckily, they prefer to wear scent masking fragrances, so they aren't overbearing, but the teenager is sickened by their blatant displays of affection, regardless. Still, he has a question only they can answer.

"Oy," he stomps over with an attitude, pulling Yuuri down by the shoulder and making the man stumble a bit. "How do you. How do you just  _run_ with it? How do you just get used to what you are, even if everyone else thinks you're wrong?"

Victor glances at Yuuri, who shrugs and smiles in exhaustion. "I mean, I don't, really. There was tons of pressure about sub-gender presentations, and who was supposed to be  _the best_ in competitive skating and all that, but I guess I'm working on just treating myself better." At that mention, Victor links their hands and Yuuri's smile becomes softer. "Victor's a big inspiration to me in that regard, too. In the end, what other people think doesn't matter, you know? It's about yourself. It's about what makes  _you_ feel good."

"And you, old man?" Yuri asks Victor as well, just for posterity, even though, on most days, he would more willingly push Victor in front of a bus.

"I'd parrot my lovely Yuuri here," he says, kissing Yuuri's temple and making the shorter man scoff. "He's very well-spoken, you know? Be yourself, Yura. That's all you can do."

Once the two of them are gone, Yakov tugs Yuri back from the locker room and tells him to focus, and the teenager digests the words for the rest of the day.

He's an alpha, nothing less. Everyone who keeps calling him a beta or an omega based on his looks can fuck right off.

It makes him jump into a quad with angry determination, and he's later somewhat humiliated to find that the sappy couple had given him some rather important advice.

//

Yuuri becomes a mainstay in St. Petersburg. Victor lives to come home to the love of his life seated on the couch petting his dog, trading kisses and love and having someone to come home and reassure him of his strength when he needs it. Victor is Yuuri's anchor, and Yuuri is Victor's, and together, they aim to bring peace and strength to anyone around them that needs help.

Alongside teaching children to skate and being skating ambassadors, the two of them speak out for transgender rights, for both primary and sub-genders, creating dialogue in the community online and at events.

Then, to wind down, they collapse with cuddles and casual scenting sessions, with pairs routines and cheesy stories, enjoying every moment of their lives and learning to love themselves even more by their intense passion for each other.

Every day gets better, and Victor and Yuuri proclaim this truth to the world.

 _Love Wins._ The two of them say, raising their interlaced hands high.  _Love Wins._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is dedicated to my friends, who helped me out a lot while i was crying my way through writing this; to my followers/readers, who have created a happy and safe space for me to create in fandom; and, most importantly, to people like me.
> 
> i consider myself non-binary. (i have considered full transition at multiple points, but i've come to the conclusion that it just isn't for me.) all people are valid, accepted in my heart, life, and more. if you've ever thought you were something different than what someone has always told you that you are, your opinion is the most important.
> 
> stay strong, everybody. if you ever need a person to talk to, i'm always here!! ♥
> 
> thank you so much for reading. i love you all!! ♥♥
> 
> ✮[my tumblr](http://wbtrashking.tumblr.com/)  
> ✮[my twitter](https://twitter.com/wbtrashking)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been very difficult for me to write for a hell of a lot of reasons. thank you all for reading this and supporting me through it all, it means the whole entire world to me. ♥♥♥ i hope you'll continue to stay tuned for part 2! ♥
> 
> ✮[my tumblr](http://wbtrashking.tumblr.com/)  
> ✮[my twtitter](https://twitter.com/wbtrashking)


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